I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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