hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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