Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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