She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
