I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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