I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
