I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
