I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
