on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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