i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
