I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
