I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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