Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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