hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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