Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
grandma shit on top of the toilet
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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