it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
