guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
