Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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