you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize