I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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