You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
