considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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