Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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