this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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