can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
