I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
