Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
