Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
