He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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