did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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