when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
