Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
