3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
