I wish I could punch you in the face.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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