Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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