i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
