I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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