well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
