My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
