nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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