At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
