The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
