were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize