I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
high people should be assigned attendants
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
