have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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