Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
