is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
