I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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