This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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