I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
