What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
