Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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