God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
