just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
