the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
