Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
