He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
