With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
