There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
