Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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