Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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