Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
