Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
