Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize