i just wanna soil my oats bro
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
