The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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