i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
