I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
