you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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