Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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