My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
