is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
