he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
