piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
