Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
